I put my suit on this morning and looked at myself in the mirror before I left for the corporate grind. “God I haven’t slept in days.” I think to myself as I tug on the rings around my eyes might have suggested years now. I hated everything about myself. I absolutely detested myself. I was a suit monkey and my job at bullshit inc was killing me one minute at a time. my apartment was a reflection of how pathetic I was. All my furniture was used like a junkie whore. Everything was dark and dingy. I could barely stand to look at myself and it. The mirror might have been the ugliest thing I owned because of how truthful it was.
My wife left me about a year ago now. I don’t blame her. I would leave me too. Trust me I’ve tried. I just don’t have the balls to be that cowardly. She couldn’t stand how weak I got. I think I was alwAys like this she just didn’t see it until she met her new boyfriend at work and saw what a real man looks like, acts like, taste like. I’m not sure if I ever loved her or if I was just grateful someone loved me.
This suit is a boring shade of grey so dull it insults the color by mere comparison. It was three sizes to big. The fabric hung off of me like meat from a carcass picked by vultures. My shirt should have been white but I haven’t washed it to the point that one might think my shirt has jaundice because of my alcoholism. My finger were just as yellow. I picked up smoking again after she left. I hate smoking but each time my lungs fill with the tobacco I die a little and I love it.